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23

Jul

ameliakyoga:

July 19 2014
That breath that you just took, that’s a gift 
- Rob Bell 
To be present at the death of a loved one is probably the most spiritually profound, life altering event one could possibly experience. In my 25 years of life, before last week I’d never seen death. I’d never experienced the heartbreak of losing a loved one. To be honest, the mere thought of this inevitable life event terrified me.
 And then, exactly one week ago, I held my own baby, my first child, the love of my life in my arms as he quietly passed. It still seems so surreal. Never in a million years would I have thought I could be strong enough to do that, let alone truly find a sense of peace and yes, even BEAUTY, in doing so. 
And yet here I am. I’m still alive and well another day. My world keeps spinning and life goes on. How, I’m not quite sure, but it does. 
During the 17 miraculous hours Landon spent with us off life support, we never knew if his next breath would be his last. In fact, many times his breathing stopped and his color changed, and we were sure he was gone, but then the little bugger would starting breathing again. Each time, his little hands would squeeze my fingers (a result of the stiffening of muscles, not at all conscious, but still so incredible). It was hard to see at first, but once we understood that he wasn’t suffering at all, but simply preparing his little body for the eventual transition, we were able to relax and just savour each moment we had with him. 
By the time the next morning came around and he was still going strong, we were even able to find humour - we imagined that he was being a little trickster like his Dad, making us all believe he was gone and then - “Just kidding!”. 
I don’t know how I was able to stay so strong, and in doing so helping my husband and family to also experience this beautiful little life. But I do think that your prayers, meditations , and intentions held me up. I am certain I’d never have been able to go on, let alone find peace, during this time had it not been for all your support. 
From the bottom of my heart, Thank You.

She has to be the strongest!!!! Although I have never felt hurt this great I can feel her. Like a little bit of her pain is being seeped into me through her words allowing her to heal

ameliakyoga:

July 19 2014

That breath that you just took, that’s a gift

- Rob Bell

To be present at the death of a loved one is probably the most spiritually profound, life altering event one could possibly experience. In my 25 years of life, before last week I’d never seen death. I’d never experienced the heartbreak of losing a loved one. To be honest, the mere thought of this inevitable life event terrified me.

And then, exactly one week ago, I held my own baby, my first child, the love of my life in my arms as he quietly passed. It still seems so surreal. Never in a million years would I have thought I could be strong enough to do that, let alone truly find a sense of peace and yes, even BEAUTY, in doing so.

And yet here I am. I’m still alive and well another day. My world keeps spinning and life goes on. How, I’m not quite sure, but it does.

During the 17 miraculous hours Landon spent with us off life support, we never knew if his next breath would be his last. In fact, many times his breathing stopped and his color changed, and we were sure he was gone, but then the little bugger would starting breathing again. Each time, his little hands would squeeze my fingers (a result of the stiffening of muscles, not at all conscious, but still so incredible). It was hard to see at first, but once we understood that he wasn’t suffering at all, but simply preparing his little body for the eventual transition, we were able to relax and just savour each moment we had with him.

By the time the next morning came around and he was still going strong, we were even able to find humour - we imagined that he was being a little trickster like his Dad, making us all believe he was gone and then - “Just kidding!”.

I don’t know how I was able to stay so strong, and in doing so helping my husband and family to also experience this beautiful little life. But I do think that your prayers, meditations , and intentions held me up. I am certain I’d never have been able to go on, let alone find peace, during this time had it not been for all your support.

From the bottom of my heart, Thank You.

She has to be the strongest!!!! Although I have never felt hurt this great I can feel her. Like a little bit of her pain is being seeped into me through her words allowing her to heal

21

Jul

Work

I can not work 3 days in a row at this place. I was snappy with Kālī all morning. She woke up at 730 and I snapped at her. I didn’t even tell her “good morning beautiful ” like I usually do. I didn’t even smile at her. I feel so horrible! I’ve never liked going to work…..I mean who does?! But I really hate coming to work like I feel anger when I am here. Its so not healthy and very unfair on my family

19

Jul

beautifulmadhouse:

Yes!!! Saw this image on Huffington Post. #breastfeedingsupport #breastfeeding #awesome #carriagehousebirth #doula #nursing #lactation

Where?!

beautifulmadhouse:

Yes!!! Saw this image on Huffington Post. #breastfeedingsupport #breastfeeding #awesome #carriagehousebirth #doula #nursing #lactation

Where?!

17

Jul

fluzieh:

turntechstridercest:

jean-huh-kirschnickerdoodle:

doctorrivaille:

rapunzelie:

sb5ive:

rapunzelie:

new undies: cute stretchmarks: also cute

No no no and NO stretch marks are never cute!! wtf too lazy to go get some cocoa butter and use it daily? We all have stretch marks but we can get rid of it.. People should take care of themselves and if cocoa butter didnt work for you make an appointment for a laser stretch mark removal dont be a lazy ass

hey quick question: what’s your fuckin damage

all stretch marks are beautiful no exceptions 

stretch marks are perfectly fine and natural and beautiful, free lightning bolt tattoos yo
cocoa butter is a preventative that does not always work, and smells and stains clothes and oh yeah, since a lot of people get stretch marks just from growing NOT from weight, theyd have to slather their whole body and no one really wants to do that or smell like that so strongly.
laser treatment? really? you want people to pay $1000+/appt (usually takes a few treatments) to get rid of something perfectly natural because you’ve named yourself standard of the fucking world and think we all live to please you? most people dont have that money and if they do thats not what they want to spend it on.
also fuck you.

I usually don’t reblog ladies in undies, but for real. Don’t fuckin’ knock people over stretchmarks, or anything on their bodies for that matter. I’ve been underweight all my life and have them from growing. They happen. The just do. 

Stretchmarks, scars, dimples, bruises and freckles are like free tattoos - you should embrace them, because they are part of who you are and make you unique.Also, fuck you, you fuckass.


#beautifulbodyimage

fluzieh:

turntechstridercest:

jean-huh-kirschnickerdoodle:

doctorrivaille:

rapunzelie:

sb5ive:

rapunzelie:

new undies: cute
stretchmarks: also cute

No no no and NO stretch marks are never cute!! wtf too lazy to go get some cocoa butter and use it daily? We all have stretch marks but we can get rid of it.. People should take care of themselves and if cocoa butter didnt work for you make an appointment for a laser stretch mark removal dont be a lazy ass

hey quick question: what’s your fuckin damage

all stretch marks are beautiful no exceptions 

  1. stretch marks are perfectly fine and natural and beautiful, free lightning bolt tattoos yo
  2. cocoa butter is a preventative that does not always work, and smells and stains clothes and oh yeah, since a lot of people get stretch marks just from growing NOT from weight, theyd have to slather their whole body and no one really wants to do that or smell like that so strongly.
  3. laser treatment? really? you want people to pay $1000+/appt (usually takes a few treatments) to get rid of something perfectly natural because you’ve named yourself standard of the fucking world and think we all live to please you? most people dont have that money and if they do thats not what they want to spend it on.
  4. also fuck you.

I usually don’t reblog ladies in undies, but for real. Don’t fuckin’ knock people over stretchmarks, or anything on their bodies for that matter. I’ve been underweight all my life and have them from growing. They happen. The just do. 

Stretchmarks, scars, dimples, bruises and freckles are like free tattoos - you should embrace them, because they are part of who you are and make you unique.
Also, fuck you, you fuckass.

#beautifulbodyimage

tropicalfruitbabe:

*doesn’t check bank account*
*pretends everything is fine*

#truth

15

Jul

Insurance

Kālī is 7months now! Crawling and pulling to stand. She is so advanced for being a premie (her adjusted age is 5months) high risk nurses says she even beyond her actual age :) the dark 37 days in the Nicu gave us this strong crazy girl getting into everything and I am so greatful for modern medicine.
BUT american insurance always seems to put a damper on my spirit just like when we were in the Nicu. Having to pay already $3,000+ out of pocket in medical bills I get a call saying her claim has been rejected by Christophers insurance because he was not covered when she was born. Really 7months into her life and I still have to worry about medical bills!!!!! This is ridiculous! I already pay $120 out of my pay check. This system just seems so fucked up

30

Jun

Sleep

I swear I loose myself when Kālī is asleep. What the hell do I do with myself!?

16

Jun

Job search

On the look out for a new job since getting written up for having Kālī. If my health or the health of my family is cause for a write up this is not a place where I would want to be employed. I hope I can find a job with decent pay and good hours since Kālī is still so small.

11

Jun

She has no interest in mommy right now :(

She has no interest in mommy right now :(

27

May

Birthday week

Just asked Chris if we could try going on a date again since our first post baby date sucked balls. He had no response. …….So I’ll take that as a “no”.