31 weeks 6 days
Went in for a follow up ultrasound at valley children’s. The MA took my bp. They only did that my first ultrasound. It was high…….ultrasound went great and baby is fine but Dr told me to go to the hospital asap they want to monitor me because the bp was so high. I was happy to see my BG growing she was 3lbs 10oz I was calculating in my head how much she will grow by Feb 8th (due date). So Chris and I went home packed a bag because I was told I would probably stay overnight. We got some food then off to the hospital. Since I’ve done this twice before I had no worries.
Got checked in peed in a cup and got hooked up to the bp machine so the nurses can monitor me.
Some time passed and a nurse comes in to tell me I am being admitted…. Okayy this is new. I’m thinking in my head here it is I am going to have to be put on bed rest.
Some more time goes by and the Dr. Comes in. He states “you’re very sick I want this baby out of you tomorrow”
I remember just looking at him smiling and nodding (the strongest I will be for a month.)
I immediately begin to call everyone meanwhile the pain is coming back and bp is rising. I am put on magnesium to prevent a stroke and given 2 more rounds of steroids. While family and friends come to visit Chris and I hold it together.
I remember not sleeping and praying my bp goes down. Praying my Dr decides to put me on bed rest. Pleading with god I’ll stay in the hospital for weeks just don’t let me have this baby early. I even thought of trading this early delivery for down syndrome.
Morning comes my nerves finally settle and I somewhat relax…..I’m excited! I get to be a mommy today! I don’t have to wait 2months I get to hold her and smell her and be rid of this pain. I can do this I can go though labor today! And have a baby as my reward.
That great fantasy gets thrown away when my Dr comes in and tells me I am too sick to deliver vaginally. She said either I could die or my baby could die. (Again with the smile and nodding) I cry. I just let it go. Thinking this is all happening for a reason I know it but goodness it hurts so bad not knowing that reason now.
Kālī Sioux was born at 12:01 on 12.13.13 a Friday. She was 3lbs 10oz. I heard her cry for the first time and I cried. I remember my heart sinking out of happiness and I took a deep breath because she was here.
Chris and I stayed in recovery for a while until my room was ready. I didn’t know Kālī stopped breathing and they had to intubate her to put surfactant in her lungs. I vaguely remember them telling me she is in the NICU and knowing Nicu is bad but she was born tiny of course she has to be there.
THEN the Nicu Dr comes and tells us she has blood in her lungs so they want to take her to valley children’s where she will be better cared for. I remember seeing this tiny being with tubes coming out of her. Everywhere. I didn’t cry, I didn’t have any emotions. She was mine but not really. I wouldn’t be able to hold her until 5 days later when I was released from the hospital. Which then started another journey of my new life. NICU mommy life